Catching the Vision!

It upsets me sometimes how often I am surprised by God...how often I put Him in this little box, and in my mind seriously limit what I believe He can and will do. A voice deep inside me tells me that I should always expect the grand and glorious from God; things that stun and amaze me really shouldn't because that's what God is...stunning and amazing.

This might not seem big to you, but for those of you who have husbands like mine...it's a pretty big thing. Jay is the most wonderful man in the world, mind you, but he's very safe. He's not into risk taking; it's hard for him to take a step without a pretty good idea of where he's going. It took over 10 years of praying and (nagging) to get him to consider the road to adoption. I, on the other hand, don't think much before most things I do. I figure it will all work itself out somehow.

Since the adoption, I realized that I had found my cause. I have begun partnering with Family Services of Metro Orlando to help them promote adoption, mainly with older kids, and also mentor families going through the adoption process.

Yesterday we had lunch with a really special couple we've started getting to know. They have two young boys and are in the process of adopting a 15 year old boy. When they came, they also brought a 17 year-old boy who will age out the system in December. I immediately thought that there was something very special about this kid, but I have a social worker's heart and would bring them all home if I could. Jay spent some time with him talking and throwing the football around in the back yard. When our company left, Jay said to me, "I think I need to get involved in that boy's life." After I got up off of the floor, I told him that I agreed very much.

For so long I have been afraid that I would be pursuing my passion alone, not that Jay didn't care, but that it wasn't his passion too. A speaker at our church yesterday talked about finding your calling, and we talked that maybe this was ours as a couple, giving love and supporting kids around us that didn't have parents to do it for them.

I don't know where this will lead; more adoptions, mentoring, both...who knows? I just know that yesterday I received a very precious gift from my heavenly father and had to write it down to hopefully encourage someone else. God sure doesn't work on my schedule, but He hears our prayers and doesn't forget them and ALWAYS answers them. Sometimes we just need to be reminded...

Summer Wrap Up...

Wow! It's been awhile since I've gotten to sit down and just reflect on all that's going on. It sure has been a crazy summer, one that I would never have been able to imagine a year ago.

Devin's assimilation into the family is pretty much done. It seems like he's always been here. He continues to give me constant fits of laughter...what a goof. We've spent our summer at the beach, the Disney water parks, a little traveling, lots of baking and pretty much just hanging out together. Devin went to "cop camp" last week which I think solidified his resolve to become some sort of law enforcement officer. He bought a pair of police handcuffs and all of us have been cuffed to something since!

I've been asking God for an area of service to become involved in...an area that I could work at with passion because it was close to my heart. God has graciously let me become involved in Family Services of Metro Orlando. I have such a heart for foster children who are looking for forever families, especially the older children who know that they have very little chance of being adopted. Over the past few months I've been able to become involved in the journeys of a few families and offer guidance and especially encouragement to them as they wade through this broken system. It has been such a blessing to me to be able to give some of the support I wish I'd had while we were going through the process. I'm so excited that God has opened these doors for me. I'm anxious to see what the future holds.

I also have a new adventure for the school year as I'm going to begin a job as a substitute teacher at a Christian school. This opportunity came to me quite unexpectedly and I'm very nervous and excited about this new venture. I've really only taught adults before and wonder what classes of high school kids can do to me....pray for me!

Our girls both start college at the end of August. Erica will be studying grahic art at Valencia and Erin will be working on her biology degree at UCF. It still amazes me that I am the mother of TWO college students....where does the time go? Doesn't seem possible.

School starts back up in 8 days. I'm looking forward to days filled with routine, but have loved this lazy summer with my family. I'm ready and poised to take on the new challenges that God brings to us...and I'm excited!

Just a few pictures of what we've been up to...

Happy Anniversary!

I can't believe that it was a year ago today when we first met our son as prospective adoptive parents. In many ways it seems like years ago and then just yesterday at the same time. As I look over my blog from that day, I remember how filled with excitement, fear and hope I was all at the same time. What would he think of us? What would we talk about? I had so many questions but was so excited about what God may have for us.

Now, a year later, life is good....very good. We're preparing for a new school year at a new school. God has provided money and a job for me so that Devin can attend a local private school where he can get a really excellent education. Life is full of new things for him, braces, contacts and driver's license...he's enjoying being a teenager. My girls are college age now and it's very different having all these "adults" in the house. Our house is full of laughter and we're having a really good time.

God is good and knows what we need. It's seldom easy and without pain, sometimes significant pain, but I am learning that God's timing is perfect. God never wastes time, He created it in the beginning and still has ultimate control of it. What I may have wasted, God can redeem as well.

Today for lunch we will go back to Soprano's, the restaurant we first met at and celebrate all that God has done for us in the past year. This lunch will be a great deal more relaxed and I am excited for what God has both for Devin and the rest of us in the future.

Funny Story...

You might find this funny...especially if you know my son and how many "blond moments" he has.

Today he wanted me to teach him how to drive a stick-shift car. So, we headed out in my father's old truck for a few driving lessons. As you can guess, any of you who've driven a manual car before, there was a lot of stalling and jerking going on.

I really thought I had explained everything about the gear shift itself and how to work the stick but he was still having a little trouble knowing whether or not he had gotten the car into gear. I told him if he wiggled the stick back and forth he could tell if he was in gear or not.

After awhile, we decided to take a big loop of the parking lot. He got his foot on the clutch and put his one hand on the stick. I told him to "give it a shake" whereupon he proceeded to shake the steering wheel back and forth violently...

I'm so glad we were at a complete stop when it happened because who know what we would have hit and also because I couldn't stop laughing and when he realized what I was talking about, neither could he.

God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me." Genesis 21:6

Cheap Fun!

Why do we waste our money buying our children expensive toys? Look at all the fun and happiness a little bubble wrap can bring!

100 Days!

I figured with all the hub-bub about the president's first hundred days in office, I'd do a little celebration of my own. Believe it or not, it has been 100 days since Devin's adoption was final. It seems in one sense like it just yesterday but in another it's hard remembering a time when he was not a part of our lives. As I look back over my blog through the good times and the not-so-good, I see God's hand at work through everything.

We're still having a really good time. Devin couldn't fit better into our family. Lately we are busy creating in the kitchen. Devin is learning to flambé and I'm praying that my new cabinets are fire-resistant. He whipped up a batch of homemade barbecue sauce that is so good that I'd love to bottle and sell it...I'd be a very rich woman. Get a load of our cool creation...a Memorial Day cake that looked like a hamburger! The kids and I had a great time figuring this out!



Another funny hobby that Devin and I share is couponing. He loves to help me go through the grocery stores and collect all the coupons he can find. He is shameless and it cracks me up! He's the only one of my kids who's not embarrassed to go to the checkout counter with 20 boxes of Pop tarts and a stack of coupons an inch thick! We have made our quest for savings quite a game. Thank you Cassie and Jessica for our new passion! We're having a blast!

I am in awe of God's intimate knowledge of the deepest desires of our hearts and His delight in giving them to us. I'm looking forward to the next 100 days and on to a really fun future!

Prayer for Foster Kids

Tonight I had the privilege of getting together with a group of dear friends of mine to hold a prayer vigil for kids in the foster care system here in America, especially those kids who are waiting to be adopted. We celebrate those who open their homes to provide loving foster care to children who need care in very difficult times but also see a great need for families to step up to the plate and provide these kids with permanent "forever families." Sometimes it seems that the need is so great and there is so little that we're able to do to help. I confessed to my husband tonight that most of the time I greatly underestimate the power of prayer for these seemingly helpless situations. Nights like tonight redouble my commitment to petition the Father for this desperate situation.

Tonight's prayer focused on:
1. The kids themselves - We named children by name whose needs we were aware of and asked God to raise up families that could give them the love and care that they needed.

2. The birth families - We all know that God's best is for children to be raised by their loving birth families, but Satan has broken families apart due to drug and alcohol abuse, crime, and other ungodly choices that cause people to either give up their children or have them taken. These people, no matter how broken, are still precious to God. We prayed that God would come along side these broken people and restore them. They may not be able to be reunited with their children, but maybe someday they could be a testimony to their children and other about the power of God to change people's lives, no matter how deep in to sin and brokenness they had fallen.

3. The social workers - These dear people work long, thankless hours to try to both find loving homes for these kids, and if not, to make their lives as normal and fulfilling as possible. I know that this work must be terribly discouraging most of the time and they don't get thanked nearly enough. We prayed for strength and wisdom for these soldiers of righteousness.

4. The judicial system and government - We pray that God would give exceptional wisdom to the judges that both have to weigh who should keep or lose parental rights and where placement of the child should go. Also, for the government who decides on funding for the foster care program.

5. Foster Care homes - Pray for strength for foster moms and dads who are providing care for kids in the most difficult and traumatic times of their lives. Pray for amazing insight and understanding for these parents to deal with the pain and loss of their foster kids. Also pray for the material provision for these families as the payment they receive from the government doesn't even come close to covering the financial needs of these kids.

6. Finally, the church - As the American church we have the numbers and the ability to wipe out the problem of kids waiting for adoption. We prayed that the American church would see it's responsibility to the orphans of our land and rise up to the challenge. God said in His word that what we do for "the least of these" is just like we're doing service to Jesus himself. We know that God's heart aches for the pain of these suffering children.

Our comfort is that God does know each need and each child individually and has a great plan for each. What a privilege to be a part of God's plan for one of these. What a great joy our son has brought into our lives. I invite anyone who is interested to walk the path and ask God if this is something He has called your family to.


















On a more personal note...Our son turned 15 last week. What fun to sing to him and watch him excitedly tear open his presents. As you can see by the photo, the thing he was most excited about was getting his restricted driver's license. He now refers to my truck as "our truck". The boy can dream!

My oldest daughter Erin has graduated with her AA from Santa Fe College and next week my youngest daughter Erica will graduated from high school.
This last weekend was prom and she looked absolutely stunning!

This month is National Foster Care Month. Please continue to lift these children up in prayer and ask God what your part should be. It's an exciting adventure!

Life As We Know It

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. It's not because I haven't long for 5 minutes to sit down with my thoughts....

Yesterday was the two month anniversary of Devin's adoption. It's beginning to feel like he's always been here. For me, he always has, because I always believed that God had a son out there for me...I just knew it. He's settling down into the routines of life. He's even starting getting in trouble for disassembling things in the house (like computers and internet routers) so he can "fiddle" with them....boys! But I can't imagine loving anyone more or having this much fun with anyone else. He's got a job at the church and although he's a pretty good saver, it's fun to watch him get to buy himself his "nerd toys" as he calls them!

Devin's brother was recently adopted by a dear friend of mine. To help with the bonding process, my friend was told to wear keep her new son in a sling, "papoosed" to the front of her. Also, people other than very immediate family were not allowed to hold him for the first few months of their time together so that they could fully bond. All of us respected their bonding time together even though everyone in the world wanted to get their hands on the little guy! I find myself envying her sometimes. As a teenager, Devin is dragged off in every direction possible and people are always vying for his time; this weekend it's a church youth retreat. I tell Devin all the time that he's still my very new baby and I'm not all that thrilled about passing him around. I could use some prayer there if you get a chance.

Speaking of prayer, the boy will be driving a car in 3 weeks! He's so excited he can't even breathe! He's already got the appointment to take his test for his restricted license and can tell you exactly how many days he has left.

This will be a crazy month for us. Both my girls are graduating, Erin from Santa Fe and Erica from Ocoee High and Devin's birthday and Erica's 18th birthday are thrown in just for fun! I tried so hard to keep them from growing up, but I just wasn't able. If anyone has any tips on how to do it, please let me know! I'm so proud of my kids and wouldn't trade my life with anyone.

I'll try to be deep and poetic next time. God is in the midst of teaching me some very big things right now. I'm very excited about new things God is teaching me and the person I hope to become!

Love to you all!

Crack Me Up!

Prov 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.
NLT

I read this verse today and was musing on how accurate it truly is. Of course lately, I tend to bring everything back to the adoption, but it is really true...the things we have to wait for ...the things we've pined in our hearts for...are the things we tend to truly cherish and appreciate once our dreams have come true.

If I can say one thing for my son, it's that he constantly makes me laugh. He fits in perfectly with our family because we're all a bit nuts and laughter is a main staple in our home...but this kid cracks me up!

It think it's mainly because he lives life with such abandon and hasn't gotten old enough yet to worry about being "cool" and dignified all the time. Oh, how I wish I could be that age again!

We bought a badminton set to take on our beach vacation and we've been practicing every night. I have so much fun watching him whiff and swat at the birdies and dive and crash to the ground. My husband calls it "Baryshnikov Meets Badminton". It's hilarious! I can't decide if he's playing badminton or doing ballet!

Devin's baby brother gets adopted by a dear friend of mine on Monday. What a blessing that these boys will get to know each other and more importantly know that each other is safe. It's amazing how God worked the timing out on that whole situation so that my friend were able to get the baby easier due to our adopting Devin. There truly were so many reasons our hope had to be deferred, but I'm thankful that I have a God who knows the "behind the scenes" story.

Rich Like Me!

Life is tough sometimes, but life is also very, very good.

Americans are told every day that the news is bad and it's only going to get worse, and it just might, but God has been showing me over the past few months how truly rich I am.

I am one of those who lost their jobs due to the economic downturn and things have had to change around here, but God is always good and He is giving me hope that I've never had before.

As I have been busily clipping my coupons and looking for deals at every turn, I've been reminded of the things that I have that I couldn't have purchased had I wanted to and things that no one can take away no matter how hard they try.

1. My faith. I don't know how people live without the firm belief that this is not all there is. To me, if this were it, life would be pretty shallow and purposeless. I know that even in this down time, God is purposeful and loving and good and that He will never take His loving eye off of me.

2. My family. What a bunch of nuts, but boy do we have fun! We were all together for the weekend which is a rare treat for me. I'm so lucky that we all just enjoy being together.


3. My friends and my church. Again, not a bunch of perfect people but a bunch of great people. We take care of each other and are accountable to each other. I never have to worry about me or my children going without as long as they are around and they know the same is true from our end.

I know it looks bad out there, but take a minute to think about all that you can't lose. I still love to hang our sheets out on the line because it always reminds me of the fact that God loves me so much, He took time to make the air smell great. I just had to take a minute to hang up my sheets and capture it.

Let's all hang out the sheets in our mind today and try to capture something that God has given to us that we hadn't taken time to notice. I think this is a good way to maintain perspective in these trying times. We are so lavished upon by God every day and we fail to see our abundance!

I hope today that you are all rich like me!

Catching Up

It's been a while since my last post. Life seems to go at a hundred miles an hour these days.

We're busy about the process of life as a family...a permanent, legal family. Last Sunday at church we had a sort of dedication service for our whole family. Afterward, we had a party for those closest to Devin. It was so fun to watch him be the center of attention. It had a redneck country theme so Devin was in his glory! Something that really touched my heart was when I had a couple of people who have known Devin much longer than I have who said to me, "I've never seen Devin smile so much." That meant the world to me. His happiness is so important to me. Even in the midst of the happiness, I have lingering guilt about taking him away from his old life and friends. I want his new life to be the best possible!

God has been so good to us over the past year. We have learned many, many hard lessons about trust and God's perfect timing in everything. "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges has not been out of my reach for most of the year. If you haven't read it yet...go get it. God really is in control and I can't wait for someday in heaven when God shows how every event, trial, joy and pain that we go through fit perfectly into His perfectly woven plan. I think when we then see and fully understand, we will truly fall to our knees and say with the angels, "holy, holy, holy is the Lord!"

Life is changing quickly. In just a few short months my baby girl Erica will be graduating, Devin will start driving (yipes!) and Erin will be getting her AA from Santa Fe College. Time flies by so quickly. For those of you with young ones, hold on to them tightly...they don't stay that way long!

Well, today I sit in jury duty. God bless those people having their fates in the hands of those of us not smart enough to get out of jury duty!

Love to you all!

A Really Good Day!

Well, it's over. The day we've been praying for has come. This morning our adoption was finalized. It was so wonderful to have so many of our good friends show up to the court hearing to witness and celebrate with us.

Man, it's been a long journey filled with feelings, thoughts and emotions I never dreamed of in my wildest imaginations. God has used this time to stretch me further than I ever could have imagined, but He was faithful to use even the hardest times to teach me about His faithfulness and crazy love for me.

Well, the journey isn't over, it's just begun and there will be lots more to learn, but God has done an amazing thing in that he created a new family today. Man, I need to go to bed, I'm waxing sooo poetic.

............
Oh yeah, just one more thing....

I wasn't going to mention this, but I think I have to address the person who chose to send such an unkind comment to me. I didn't say anything the last time she did it, but she chose to send it on the day of my son's adoption which I thought was particularly class-less.
Just a few thoughts...

1. If you don't like my blog...DON'T READ IT! There are plenty of perky, shallow things for you to read out there. I don't write this for your enjoyment, I'm on a journey with God, and sometimes things are hard and have to be worked through. Sometimes the working through is painful. I pray that those around you extend more mercy than you choose to extend to others.
2. If you choose to say harsh things, at least have the backbone to identify yourself. Anyone can lob grenades anonymously, but it's pretty cowardly. Trust me, I have true friends who are not afraid to say the hard stuff to my face. You obviously are not my friend at all.

And that's all I have to say about that...

Final Countdown!

As I sit here I am exactly 11 1/2 hours from Devin's adoption hearing. I can't believe that it's all about to be over! I know that it will be just the beginning of another chapter of our lives, but I'm looking forward to being a regular family and being able to live out from under the scrutiny of the state. We can get down to the business of being Rumeaus, plain and simple.

Each day, I'm still amazed at how God has worked throughout this process. In the recent years, since my husband was so resistant to the idea of adoption, I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that God was going to fulfill my desire for a son through the boys that we sponsor through Compassion International and other missions-type things that we're involved in. Jay and I had spent many sessions on "Cathy's couch" talking about this and it just didn't seem that he was going to budge.

And now to be where I am and have Jay so excited about it just never ceases to amaze me. How God molds and shapes hearts and how remarkable His timing is constantly blows my mind. I told Jay the other day that I was praying for a bigger house because I think I want a few more and he just said "OK". He didn't even flinch.

If any of you need encouragement in this area, take it from me. As often as we question God's timing and his movement...He is there, He is working and like the Psalms say, He does see the anguish of your heart and cares about it.

I'm still pretty anxious about tomorrow. I don't know how I'll handle any snafu or setbacks. I may sleep with my pink sheet clutched to my chest.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new family, one that God definitely put together. How much sweeter the journey when you can do it with friends! Good night!

Happy Valentines Day!

This week is just creeping by! I've tried so hard not to think about how many days it is until the finalization and all the things that could go wrong. It was funny today, I started to stress a bit and my dear son referred me back to my pink sheet of trust verses!

I hope everyone had as great as I did. I started out last night with Jay and I exchanging our Valentines. I'm so lucky to have found such a wonderful guy to spend my life with. Boy has he had some adventures over the years with me!

This morning I gave our Valentines to the kiddos. Jay had to work today so we decided to jump in the truck and bring Valentines Day lunch to him at the office...in Leesburg!

In the evening, Erica had to work. I took Devin out to a lovely dinner by Lake Eola and then we went to the Gaither Homecoming concert (yes, we're nerds!). When Jay came home from work, he took Erin out for dinner as well. It was great to have special one-on-one time with the kids. I try to make Valentine's Day extra special for the kids so they don't feel lonely and feel the need to go out looking for a Valentine!

Well, only 35 hours left until our court date. Please continue to pray for us as it is all I think about now. We want this part to be over!

Update...

Well, the powers that be did indeed move poor Devin's court date. Our final hearing will now be on President's Day, February 16th at 11:30.

It's amazing how God works. As I'm dealing with my trust issues I've been carrying my pink sheet of verses around with me to memorize. As I had to break the bad news to my sweet son that they had moved his hearing, I told him we had to go to the pink sheet and trust God for what He was doing.

I tend to be a woman who lets her emotions pretty much rule her life, but in this sad moment God had provided an anchor for me and my son to hold onto in this very difficult time. We changed the wording in some of the scriptures to apply to us...

Ps. 31:6-7 I hate those who worship worthless court clerks and judges assistants (paraphrase mine). I trust in the Lord. I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles. and you care about the anguish of my soul.

Because of this work that began weeks ago, I was able to help frame this experience in the love of God for my son so that years from now he could look back on it and remember God's faithfulness and not as a time of sadness and anger. That is a miracle because anyone who knows me, knows that this would not come naturally for me, but God graciously prepared us for this time.

Anyway, now we look ahead to the future. Only a few more days until this precious child is mine (ours, whatever) forever!

Daddy is working late on Valentines Day so my boy and I have a date to go hear the Gaither Homecoming. Yes, I'm a gospel music dork, but what a blessing that my boy is one too!

Keep praying!

Quick development!

There's a snag...of course! Now family and juvenile courts are fighting over where the adoption should take place. What........?????

Pray for me. I am leaving to pick up Devin from school and I don't know how to tell this poor thing that despite doing everything we were told yesterday and talking to eveyone and their supervisors, we may have to move the adoption date.

I'm really trying not to freak out but you should have seen how happy he was yesterday. Pray that I can frame it for him (and for me) in God's love and absolute control. I'm having trouble getting my arms around it myself....

Filing Day!

Our big filing day was...well, an experience.

It started off just the way I'd planned. Jason, Devin, Carrie, Stacey and myself met at the church to sign the petition together. Jon was there taking movies and it was a lot of fun.

Then it was off to the courthouse (the 1st courthouse). After a wait at the main courthouse we were told that we would have to file at the juvenile courthouse. So, we loaded up and went down to the juvenile courthouse. There we were told that they really thought that we should be filing at the main courthouse (courthouse #1) but they wouldn't be sure till after lunch. Carrie (my sweet friend and attorney) had another appointment so she left while we went out to lunch (really bad Chinese). When Devin and I returned to the juvenile courthouse we were told that, no, we would have to go back to the main courthouse!

This is where I lost it a little bit. I was so filled with great plans for the day, lots of pomp and circumstance, I was not ready for the bouncing back and forth and all the red tape. As I sat in the juvenile office waiting for a final decision I felt like I was going to cry so I excused myself to the ladies room. As I cried in the ladies room the new verses I've just started memorizing came flooding back to me, especially Ps. 10:14 The helpless put their trust in you, You are the defender of orphans. I just told God that in this legal mumbo jumbo we were completely helpless and that I was okay with whatever He was going to do. I reminded myself that I would have to frame this day for Devin for the rest of his life and we needed to focus on our trust in God for this day.

We had to go back to the attorney's office so that they could redo a page of the petition and when I got there, the assistant told me that she would take the petition back to the courthouse so I didn't have to try to answer legal questions that I wouldn't know anyway. That was a relief and yet a bummer because of my aforementioned big plans. Devin and I went to Starbucks and I told him that no matter how it got done, it would be done and it was still a pretty wonderful day and all we had to do now was wait to hear on our court date. I was hoping to hear this week and we had hoped that the date would be within the next 2 weeks.

We went home and laid down to rest because we were both emotionally exhausted. About an hour and a half later Carrie, my attorney, called and asked if we would be able to do the adoption the next Wednesday at 9:00 a.m. That's only 5 days! Devin was so excited, he called everyone he knew.

I don't know why God chooses to do things the way He does, maybe we'll never know. I'm so thankful that He had prepared my heart with the scripture I needed to get through the day and keep it special for my boy. I may get some of this trust stuff yet!

We're so thankful for your continued prayers. Devin received a phone call last night that may be the beginning of a new adventure...we'll see. I'll tell you about it if things begin to take shape. God is moving my friends...let's go with Him no matter how scary the ride!

This Is It!

Today starts the beginning of the end for our adoption It seems like time has been crawling by!

I still sit sometimes and am stunned by the hugeness of it all. I have been asking the Lord for this for so many years and wondering why I had to wait so long. Yesterday, my son fell asleep on me AGAIN and as I sat there hearing him breathe and smelling his hair I was overcome with gratitude to the Lord. Yes, I had to wait a very long time but God knew what would be at the end of the wait. I couldn't have picked out a more perfect son for me than Devin is, down to quirky little things like his love for gospel music or his affinity for cooking. Once again, I stand in awe of the amazing love of God for me and his stunning intimate knowledge of my heart and who I am, and what would make me so very happy!

We leave in exactly two hours to begin signing petitions and officially filing our papers at the courthouse. God-willing, we should get a court date within two weeks to wrap this whole thing up!

Trust Verses

Some of my friends have asked me to post the verses I'm learning. If you want, you can memorize them along with me. I'm TRUSTING God for his promise that if I hide His word in my heart, it will keep me from sin, in this case, the sin of not trusting Him...seems kind of circular...doesn't it?

Anyway...here goes. These are in the New Living Translation since it's my favorite.

Ps 10:14
The helpless put their trust in you.
You are the defender of orphans.

Ps 13:5-6
5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the LORD
because he has been so good to me.

Ps 22:5
5 You heard their cries for help and saved them.
They put their trust in you and were never disappointed.

Ps 28:7
7 The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger.
I trust in him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

Ps 31:6-7
6 I hate those who worship worthless idols.
I trust in the LORD.
7 I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love,
for you have seen my troubles,
and you care about the anguish of my soul.

Ps 33:4-5
4 For the word of the LORD holds true,
and everything he does is worthy of our trust.
5 He loves whatever is just and good,
and his unfailing love fills the earth.

Ps 34:8-10
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good.
Oh, the joys of those who trust in him!
9 Let the LORD's people show him reverence,
for those who honor him will have all they need.
10 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the LORD will never lack any good thing.

Ps 37:3-5
3 Trust in the LORD and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you your heart's desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the LORD.
Trust him, and he will help you.

1 Peter 2:6
6 As the Scriptures express it,
"I am placing a stone in Jerusalem,
a chosen cornerstone,
and anyone who believes in him
will never be disappointed."

Deut 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid of them! The LORD your God will go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you."

Deut 31:7-8
8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you."

Heb 13:5-6
5 Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,
"I will never fail you.
I will never forsake you."
6 That is why we can say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper,
so I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?"

Ps 56:3-4
3 But when I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4 O God, I praise your word.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?

Ps 91:14-16
14 The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue them and honor them.
16 I will satisfy them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

Ps 111:5
5 He gives food to those who trust him;
he always remembers his covenant.

Ps 112:6-9
Those who are righteous will be long remembered.
7 They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the LORD to care for them.
8 They are confident and fearless
and can face their foes triumphantly.
9 They give generously to those in need.
Their good deeds will never be forgotten.
They will have influence and honor.

Isa 12:2
See, God has come to save me.
I will trust in him and not be afraid.
The LORD GOD is my strength and my song;

Isa 26:3-4
3 You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you!
4 Trust in the LORD always,
for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock.

Isa 49:4
4 I replied, "But my work all seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose at all. Yet I leave it all in the LORD's hand; I will trust God for my reward."

Isa 50:10
10 Who among you fears the LORD and obeys his servant? If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God.

Jer 17:7-8
7 "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit.

Rom 11:22-23
22 Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe to those who disobeyed, but kind to you as you continue to trust in his kindness. But if you stop trusting, you also will be cut off.

1 Peter 4:19
19 So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for he will never fail you.

Trust Issues...

I have realized in the last few days as I spend time talking with the Lord that I have serious trust issues. I really don't trust anyone. If you're reading this blog, I don't trust you. I may love you, but I really don't trust you. Don't take it personally, I really don't trust anyone.

I don't know why it's so hard for me. As I think back on my life I can remember many times that I felt like I was on my own and it was up to me to take care of myself. I'm not sure if that's where it started. I didn't take that much psychology in college...all I know is...I don't trust. I keep people at an arm's length so that it's impossible for you to disappoint me.

The most painful part of my self-discovery is that I'm realizing that most of the time I'm not even trusting God. I was reading in "Trusting God" (ironically) that "when we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness. In both cases we cast aspersions upon His majesty and His character. God views our distrust of Him as seriously as He views our obedience."

How do you fix this? Wouldn't it be great if there was a switch you could walk over and flip and suddenly you would be at rest and this struggle would be behind you? I'd give all the money I have for such a switch. As I meditated on what to do, the only idea I had was found in the verse, "Your word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against You." Distrust is certainly sin, so I've devised the following plan:

1. I have made a list of about 30 verses on trusting God. For the next 30 days I will be memorizing these verses so that they are there for me when I need them.

2. I am empowering all of my friends to challenge me when I begin to freak out about anything...you can even ask to hear one of my verses.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any wise counsel? I'd love to hear it.

I am encouraged that God continues to speak and show me what is at the root of so much of what I do. I'm trusting that He'll complete what He's started!

Personal Foul

Do you ever have a day when you want to call "time out" in the game of life? In football there's a penalty called "piling on". What that means is that once a man is down, you can't keep jumping on top of him. Once he's down you have to stop piling up on him. I wish I could throw that flag up to God sometimes.

Yes, I know that God is all powerful and all kind, but don't you wish sometimes that God would let the bad stuff come in a trickle instead of a gush?

Can you tell I had a bad day today? I had one of those days when after you suffer a disappointment, instead of your friends first telling you they were sorry for your loss before loading you with heavenly platitudes, they immediately went to why you shouldn't feel bad. Let's say I didn't respond well to that. I know that God has purpose even in pain...but pain still hurts!

Then, I get home to spend some time with the Lord and try to cool off and what greets me in the mailbox...A JURY SUMMONS! Ok God, that's piling on, 10-yard penalty.

So here I sit, wondering what will happen next. Heck, it's only 3:00. The sky's the limit.

My only saving grace so far today is that when my son called me at lunchtime like he does every day, he told me that I was nice to talk to. That warmed my heart I think enough to get me through the day.

Patience (ˈpā-shənz) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

I don't want to end on a negative note so this is what I'm asking God for today...patience and trust.

Here we go into the rest of the day...

Time is Counting Down

This is a picture my son took of me at a recent party. He loves a good party and especially loves to smear frosting on me!

I can't believe there is less than two weeks till we can file our papers to make Devin our LEGAL son. He's been our son in our hearts for so long now. I can't wait to make it official.

We've started planning things like a party and a dedication-type service at church. It's weird adopting an older child, there's not the hoop-la like there is when people adopt a baby, but I still want this to be very special for him and for him to get the full feeling of how big a deal this is to us and to those around us. I don't know if that's possible but this little momma is sure going to give it a try!

I spoke to my attorney and all the papers are in place and we're just sitting on "wait" for right now....pray for patience for me!

I wish I could invite you all to this party to celebrate with us. I've gotten such kind words of encouragement from many of you that I don't even know. I want you to know again how much this has meant to me. I don't know how I could have gotten through some of the rougher days without the support.

Please continue to pray that once we file the papers that we get a quick court date. I'm putting on a pretty good front about being patient with this whole process but I'm not a good "wait-er". Also my job ends next week to and I'm still seeking God for what to do next. I'd really like to stay home with Devin for awhile but don't know if that's going to be possible.

Again, keep those prayers headed upward...we're getting there!

Gimme Strength!

I have a son, and I love this boy more than you could ever know...but the kid is wearing me out!

Besides the normal roughness of a boy-child, which I expected and love, there is also the attachment/bonding process going on. I'm learning that when kids aren't "parented" out of certain developmental phases, they can kind of get stuck. That's partially what we're going through.

All moms are familiar with what it's like to have a 1 to 2 year-old climbing all over their lap and constantly wrestling with them. Now imagine that the child now weighs 140 lbs. and is 5'7"! This is my life on a constant basis. He is being affectionate when he's doing it and he's so cute so it's hard to complain about it, but I'm 44 and not a young whipper-snapper any more!

I completely get why this is going on and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help get him through this and reassure him that unlike his bio-mom or any other relationship he's had in the last 10 years with caretakers, I'm not going anywhere. The fact remains though that I'm bruised and exhausted most of the time. I want to enjoy this adventure, but I'm afraid it might just kill me!

As the day approaches when we can finally file the papers for his adoption, we get more and more excited and at the same time I see an anxiousness in Devin. I can't wait till this is all done and he can finally exhale...and so can I!

Please pray for us that the time goes by quickly. I'm anxious to see how different things will be once this is all tied up and permanent. God is so good and He will get us through this too!

Sing With Me!

As I lay in bed this morning trying to talk myself into getting up, I began to think about my life. Anyone who knows me, knows that by nature I'm kind of a "glass half-empty" kind of girl. But this morning despite the freezing cold outside and my own fatigue, I was filled with a sense of joy straight from the Lord for all of the very good things in my life. All of the sudden an old hymn that I used to love popped into my head and is now firmly lodged there so I thought I would share it with you and maybe brighten your day too...

Sunshine in My Soul

There is sunshine in my soul today,
More glorious and bright
Than glows in any earthly sky,
For Jesus is my Light.
Refrain

O there's sunshine, blessed sunshine,
When the peaceful, happy moments roll;
When Jesus shows His smiling face,
There is sunshine in the soul.

There is music in my soul today,
A carol to my King,
And Jesus, listening, can hear
The songs I cannot sing.

Refrain

There is springtime in my soul today,
For, when the Lord is near,
The dove of peace sings in my heart,
The flowers of grace appear.

Refrain

There is gladness in my soul today,
And hope and praise and love,
For blessings which He gives me now,
For joys "laid up" above.
Refrain

Despite all of the garbage going on in the economy and in the world around us, there is reason for hope and pure joy. So often I lose sight of this, but God is working on me. Now don't expect me to do something rash like run out an join a ladies small group because of this epiphany. God is growing me toward joy in baby steps.

I hope this song gets lodged in your heart today too!

Changes...

I haven't blogged in a few weeks because things have been pretty much the same around here...and as I thought about it today, I realized that that fact was pretty good. Things have settled down here and life has for the most part fallen into a very natural rhythm. Having Devin around is as natural as any other family member now and I can hardly remember life without him. As we enter the last few weeks before we're actually allowed to file for adoption, I'm surprised and yet very grateful for just how smoothly the transition has been.

God has such a sense of humor. The other day Devin was giving me a hard time about leaving them for work in the morning and as I left, I said over my shoulder, "Well you'll just have to pray that I lose my job or something." Wouldn't you know it, 2 hours later, I lost my job. (Now I have Devin praying about the lottery!) It was quite a shock but now as I think about it, I'm getting excited about what the future may have in store for me. I just thought the timing of this was interesting...

Speaking of timing...my last day on the job is the day we can finally file for adoption...which is also exactly one year to the day that we started this whole process...big things are coming my friends....

Today, Jay and I, along with a few other couples were asked by our social worker to come in and speak at one of her parenting classes for prospective foster/adoptive parents. Maybe that's what I'll do with my new-found spare time. I think it would be great to be able to advocate for these kids...just give me a soap box and let me loose!

Things I'm Looking Forward To Once the Adoption is Final
1. Not having to listen to parenting advice from a counselor who has never been a parent.
2. Keeping my house clean and neat all the time just in case I get a visit.
3. Being able to take my son out of the state on vacation without having to have a judge tell me it's OK.
4. No more court hearings, judicial reviews, guardian ad lit ems, counseling appointments, monthly visits....and all the other blah blah associated with the system.
5. Being able to officially call my son by our last name!

Devin has picked up one behavior that I am concerned about. Our beloved pastor has gotten into the practice of wearing a bow tie. Now my son is convinced that he wants to be just like Pastor Jon and also wants to wear a bow tie. (Yipes!) If he asks me to buy him a scooter and starts carrying a man-purse, I may have to change churches!!! :)

Finally, I'm going to plug my friend David's blog. David is a friend of mine from Nyack College a million years ago. He's an accountant...don't let that scare you...he's a funny one! He's such a gifted writer and I've enjoyed his blog so much I thought I'd share it with you. (http://balloom.blogspot.com) Give him a read if you're not already reading a million blogs a day. He'll make you laugh and think at the same time!