Reflecting on 2008

Well, it's all over, at least most of it. The holiday rush has subsided and as soon as I can get the kiddos back to school, things will be back to normal or as normal as we get. I always love the weeks after the holidays when you're broke and the teenagers are bored and they're too old to get away with taking them to a park with a really good playground. Any ideas for free entertainment?

As I look back on this year I can't stop being amazed at what God has done. I never in all of my wildest dreams would have believed a year ago that I would be where I am today. After all the years of wanting to adopt and my husband's hesitance, I not only got my dream, but got to watch God change his heart (and mine) in a miraculous way. Not only did Jason agree to the adoption, but I got to watch his excitement grow with each passing class and interaction with Devin. And now I get to watch him be an amazing father day after day. God truly answered my prayers in ways I could never have imagined and I love how He always works things out in ways that He alone could only get the credit for.

I realized something kind of fun (yet frustrating) today. We will be eligible to file for adoption for Devin on February 5th. That's when our 90 day period is officially over. As I was taking down my 2008 calendar today and reflecting over what we'd done over the year, I realized that our first MAP class to begin our adoption journey was February 5, 2008; exactly one year to the day. Maybe it means nothing...it thought it was interesting at least.

I'm old enough that I'm kind of over making New Year's resolutions...they seldom last. But if I could pray for one thing in this next year it would be that God would help deliver me from my busyness so that I can be a more generous person with my time. I have struggled with this all of my life and really want to take the bull by the horns this year.

I was reading in a book last week that the Chinese join two characters to form a single pictograph for busyness: heart and killing. The heart is the place the busy life exacts its steepest toll. I work hard and fast and though the work I do is for the good, I often overlook people who need me in the process. Please pray for me in that area.

I'm so thankful to be where God has put me and to have the friends around me that I do. I am constantly surrounded by people who are not satisfied to accept the status quo and want to through God's power turn the world upside down. They want to first strive for holiness and change in their own lives and are willing to open their hearts to whatever God wants to clean up or mold. Secondly, they want to fight for those who have no one to fight for them, to hold up the cause of the underprivileged and disenfranchised. I am so proud to be associated with them and love how they constantly challenge me to not sit on the sidelines of life, but to be involved in changing the worlds of people who otherwise would have no voice.

God's blessings to all of you in the new year!

Enjoying the Ride

If they gave out awards for people who worry, I would be a nominee for the biggest worrier for as many years as I can remember. There doesn't seem to be any subject or area that is exempt from my ability to worry about it. This is especially true lately.

This present economy is enough to make anyone crazy. My job has me dealing constantly with people in need of food and financial assistance and with a husband in the car business, we're feeling the squeeze quite a bit at home too.

I think that I spend the majority of my valuable worrying time focused on my children though. As a mom, you want everything in life to go smoothly for them and for them not to have to suffer any ill consequences, even due to their poor choices. With Devin, I often wonder if we got him in time to make any real difference in his life and with a family as imperfect as ours, I pray that any difference made would be for the good...you see, I can worry about it all!

I never wanted to be one of those parents who was still parenting their children far into their twenties...there's an age where you need to let go and then guide them (if they ask!) but let them live their own lives and make their own mistakes and suffer their own consequences. As my oldest daughter turns 20 next week, I worry that I'll be good at doing just that.

Anyway, enough of my worrying. Last week I happened upon a quote from Martin Luther that said, "Pray, and then let God worry". I have been pondering that all week and then in church last week, as Pastor Jon spoke, I was impressed with the idea from God to just sit back and enjoy the ride. I need to focus any time I would've spent worrying on prayer and then enjoy the bumpy ride God takes us on like a thrilling, yet terrifying roller coaster.

My computer recently crashed due to a virus and I've spent a great deal of time re-uploading programs into my computer from another hard drive. After I upload the program, I wipe it from the old hard drive to make space. Yesterday, I was home in bed with a migrane and I had the picture in my throbbing head of uploading all of my problems and worries to the Father and then wiping that space in my mind clean for positive and uplifting things.

With Christmas coming and 3 teenagers and a stressed husband buzzing around me, I'm going to need to make this a purposeful practice to keep my heart right and my head on straight!

I enjoy so much my blogging family and draw so much strength and encouragement from your blogs. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and are able to richly enjoy the holiday season!

A Mother's Thoughts

I've been so hesitant to blog lately because my dear son, whom I love so very much, does get into my blog and read it. Not that there's anything bad about him, but it's deeply personal to me and it's kind of like having someone read your diary, but I'm going to have to chance it tonight. As we near the end of the first month of Devin's permanent placement with us, it seems like time has flown so fast, and at the same time it seems like he's always been here. He's such a part of the family and there's no way that we could live without him now.

A dear friend of mine recently had an adoption of an infant that didn't work out because another family was chosen. That night, Devin fell asleep on my lap while the family was up watching movies. I held him so tightly thinking of what I would do if anything or anyone tried to interfere with his adoption. Sometimes I have nightmares about this. We have bonded so tightly that in my mind and heart he is as much my own child as those I gave birth to. I know that God is good and what crosses my path is the best for me, but I don't know how I would bear this kind of loss, so please pray for my dear friend.

Life here is not perfect, but it is very, very good. My kids still get on each other's nerves (and mine!) There is the usual sibling jealousy and competition to see who is our "favorite", like there could be one...but I wouldn't change my life or my family a bit if I had the chance to. I'm so blessed by the children and husband that God has given me!

On our vacation, Devin snuck away into a gift shop and bought me a necklace as a surprise. It is a large pink rhinestone heart with a key to it. Little does he know that he had the key to my heart long ago. It was such a touching gesture. I will cherish it always! Well, that's one mom's thoughts as I look back on my time away with my family. Sometimes it's nice to get away from the distractions of life and get a good look at what you have in front of you every day.

Home From Vacation!

We're finally home from our Tennessee vacation. Five days with no Internet access and almost no cell phone service. I'm not sure how these people live, but we enjoyed it for the few days we were there.

We had time to just spend with each other. We explored some underground caverns, enjoyed the beauty of Cades Cove, rode some fun rides at Dollywood, had a snowball fight in the mountains and rode go-carts at the Nascar experience, just to name a few things. But most of all, we were just together. Devin was our fire master and kept a roaring fire going in the fireplace. We ate at the cabin most of the time and I loved all of us just sitting around the table together talking and laughing.

I'm so thankful for all of God's blessings this year. Mostly right now I'm so thankful that the timing worked out so that Devin could go with us on our trip. He has become such a natural part of our family and we love having him with us!

Well, I guess it's back to the rat race tomorrow. At least we have these fun and restful memories to cherish!

Vacation Time!

It has been an amazingly busy week full of preparations and celebrations. First, we surprised Devin with a “Welcome Home” party day. Some of his friends from the church he used to attend, surprised him at our church to join us for Sunday service, and then we all came back to our home for supper. It was so nice to have so many of his old and new friends together to join in support for Devin and his new life. He was so surprised by everything; I think he was a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing.

That evening, I told him that we had been invited by his friends to join them for one last service over at his old church. Little did he know, they had planned a small desert social for him after service also. I thought it was great having people who loved him all around him for a whole day.



Now we are on vacation in the mountains of Tennessee. I love it here. There is no cell phone reception, no internet, no texting…just peace and quiet and family time! We spent almost a full day on the road yesterday traveling. Devin is just beginning to learn the highs (and lows) of family vacations! I think he is overwhelmed at times with all of the estrogen around him coming from living with all males for the past many years.



I am so touched as I see Devin’s relationship with Jay beginning to bloom. Devin never had a good relationship with his bio dad and I’m not sure if he had any idea what a good dad he got in Jay. I sat in the back of the van yesterday and watched them talking in the front seat and my heart was warmed that Devin will have Jay around to teach him what it means to be a real man, how to treat women and how to be a father to his own kids some day. This is such an important relationship in a young man’s life and I hope Devin realizes some day the treasure he has in a dad like Jay.

Today being the first day of vacation, I tried to let the family sleep in and relax after their long day on the road. Of course, I was up at the crack of dawn and Devin was up shortly thereafter. We had some good time to talk and made some muffins. Devin was so anxious to get Jay up, it was cute! We went to the Hidden Caverns nearby for a tour. Me, a pretty serious claustrophobic, spent an hour 650 feet under the ground under solid rock! The things you do for the people you love!

Please pray for us as we continue to try to meld together as a family. Sometimes trying to bring our differences together is more difficult than other times, but we are committed to making this work. Devin is such a part of our family and my heart, that I couldn’t go back to the way things were!

My Knight In Shining Armour!

Quick story,but it certainly touched my heart. On Saturday mornings, Devin and I have gotten in a habit of sneaking away to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast since everyone else sleeps in.

This morning toward the end of breakfast, Devin seemed antsy and asked me a couple of times if I was ready to leave.

When I got up to leave, Devin shot out of the dining room like a bolt. I figured he had to go to the restroom or wanted to shop in the gift shop. When I came out of the dining room I saw that he was at the cash register. He was paying for my breakfast! I thought I would cry right there! He spent his entire allowance to take me out! It is so sweet how protective he has become of me. It speaks volumes to my heart.

Anyway, after a really hard and challenging week, at least it ended on a sweet, sweet note!

Placement Update

I don't have anything major to report, I've just had people ask me how things have been going with Devin now home for good. In short, it's been great. He's a kid, like any other kid. If I had a dollar for every time he lost his new glasses, I wouldn't worry about what the stock market is doing because I'd be a very rich woman! But every day he steals more and more of my heart away!

It's now more normal to have him here than to not. I can't imagine him being anywhere but with us. Next week we're taking a Thanksgiving vacation to the mountains and I'm so looking forward to getting away with my family all by ourselves!

Actually, the hardest part of the adoption that we're working through is the adoption counselor we have to see for the next 3 months. Please pray for us as we have to meet with this woman who does not seem to listen to us and our opinions about some areas of Devin's life. We feel that because we live with Devin 24/7 and have known him since April and she's only met with him 6 times, that we might have at least as much insight into his life and psyche as she does, but she does not seem to agree. Plus, she's never been a parent, which is icing on the cake!

But we'll do whatever we have to do to make sure that this little guy is a permanent part of our lives, no matter how hard. I still lay in bed and am amazed that my dream is really coming true and that Devin will legally my son in about 79 days!
Sometimes you really do get what you wish for!

I've Been Tagged!

I found out today I was tagged by my dear friend Kelly, so I guess I have to tell you 15 things that I'm not afraid to admit.

Ok, here goes...

1. I love Jesus, but not nearly as much as I hope to in the future!

2. I am a sucker for old beach movies like Gidget and the Beach Party movies.

3. I am a HUGE gospel music fan, even the twangy stuff! (there, I'm out of the closet!)

4. There's nothing I like to do more than snuggle with my kids/husband.

5. When I was a kid, Dean Martin was my imaginary friend. (at least he could sing and was famous)

6. I happen to believe with all my heart that my 3 children are cuter and smarter than any other children on the planet, bar none...sorry!

7. When we were first dating, I pretended to cry so that my husband (then boyfriend) would hug me.

8. I wish I was a better friend and could form deeper relationships with other women.

9. I am deathly afraid of balloons and any other object that has the capacity to pop in the vacinity of my face!

10. I don't put clothes together well and my husband generally picks out any outfit I wear to any important event I may have to attend...and church!

11. I'm having converstations with my teenaged son that I never dreamed I would ...yipes!

12. I hate to talk on the phone and will look for any excuse not to. (come to my house and have coffee...that, I love!)

13. I'm becoming a bit obsessed with Facebook because I keep finding old friends from my past and love talking to them again!

14. I secretly wish I could afford an IPhone.

15. My children are turning out just like I wanted them to and I'm so proud of them!

Since most of my friends have already been tagged, I will tag only Myriam @ Brown Knows.

This is me...this was fun!

Home At Last!

Well, he's home! I am so glad that the last hurdle is over and the clock has started ticking down the 90 days until we can make this adoption final! There have been so many fearful tears this week. I was absolutely useless at work because this was all I could think about. Being the glass-half-empty kind of person that I am, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and to be told that there was yet one more glitch...but no, my sweetie is home with his momma!

He's learning the joys and weirdness of living with women. Tonight Erica and I decided to do the paraffin wax treatment on our hands and feet. Of course, we got him to join in with us. It was a lot of fun and he was a good sport. What's next, a mani-pedi?

Thank you again for all of your prayers. They have been so much comfort and support to me. Time for another big-girl pill to make it through these last few weeks!

An End and A Beginning

Well, it's almost here. We are nearing the end of a very long process. Tomorrow Devin comes to live with us permanently!

In 1 Samuel 1:27-28, Hannah says, "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. so now I give him to the Lord, For his whole life will be given over to the Lord."

There are so few things in my life that I have prayed fervently for and for years. Embarrassingly enough, for the most part after a few requests of God for something, I generally lose interest or figure the answer is "no" and stop asking. My prayer for my son was different. I have been asking God for years for my boy. I'm still in having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that this is actually happening. I had really begun to think it never would.

In the last few days I've really grown tired of people telling me about what great people we are because we are adopting an older child. We are nothing special and I am still amazed and humbled that a kid as special as Devin would trust screw-ups like us with his life and future. He has seen several times our shortcomings and imperfections and still has chosen to take this journey with us. I believe with all of my heart that I am the lucky one in this whole thing.

I'm also humbled that my daughters are growing up to be the kinds of people that I had always hoped they would be. They have welcomed Devin with open arms and assumed their roles as big sisters in a way that I never dreamed they would. They've sacrificed without complaining and I'm so proud of them!

I'm so looking forward to the future and what it holds. God continues to show His faithfulness to me and my family over and over depite who we are.

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. -Mother Teresa

Ps 103:1-5
Praise the LORD, I tell myself;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, I tell myself,
and never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He ransoms me from death
and surrounds me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle's!
NLT

I'M A BOY MOM!

FAMILY PICTURES!

No great message today...just got our first official family pics with Devin back and wanted to share a couple. In the pic where Devin is jumping, I love the look on his face because I rarely get to see that pure unadulterated joy on his face. Not a care in the world, he's just havin' a good time!

We are so blessed that Devin chose us to be his family. He did have another family pursuing him at the time we met him, but he chose us and I'll forever be awed and grateful that he chose us.

There are lots more pics but these were a few of my favorites. The rest can be seen at www.corycallahan.com. He is totally gifted!

Much love!

Ode to My Sweetie!

It has been pointed out to me recently by someone that I love very much that in my blog I have neglected to mention the other members of the Rumeau clan in this process...especially my husband Jason.

I apologize profusely for this omission. There is no way I would be living my dream today if it were not for the faithfulness to the Lord shown by my husband.

As many of you know, adoption has been my dream all of my life. I talked about it even before I was married. For years it sat on the back burner of my heart. When I began to bring it up to my husband a few years ago, he was not ready to embark on the journey with me. I would like to say that I gave it all to God right away and waited for his timing...but that would be a lie. I just knew that if Jason could just see the need, God would touch his heart. My dear husband finally on his own decided to walk the road with me and see if this was what God had for us. He signed us up for MAP classes and began to seek God's will for our family.

It was actually Jason who spotted Devin's picture on the Heart Gallery and pointed him out to me. When our social worker Stacey unknowingly brought the same photo to us at our class and said that she would like to consider this child, my heart just melted and I felt strongly that Devin was going to be our son.

Jason has been my rock recently through all of the emotional ups and downs of our adoption process. He is a person who through his kindness, yet firmness, can really get things done!

Devin will never know how lucky he is to have a dad like Jay. He will learn from Jay what a real man of faith and character looks like. Jay and Devin have already started doing "guy stuff" together and although I intend to make Devin a complete mommas boy, I'm so excited for their relationship to grow.

I will never be able to express to my man how much his willingness to step out in faith and consider doing the hard stuff with God has meant to me. Jay has given me a great gift indeed, and the best part is I know he feels that he's receiving a great gift in a son for himself as well.

I love you baby!

Halloween Fun!

Silly me! I thought the kids would think they were too old to dress up for Halloween...I was obviously wrong. Our church had a booth at a local town festival and Devin and I worked handing out free water and candy. The girls joined us later and the kids went trick or treating...all this just for some free candy! Go figure!

Today Devin and I attended his last event as a foster kid. They had the premier unveiling of the Heart Gallery portraits for this year. For those of you not interested in the Heart Gallery, it is local photographers who do portraits of kids in need of adoptive homes to give them a more normal, less institutional look. This is the address to our local page in case you want to see what it looks like: http://www.heartgallerymetroorlando.org/index.htm. I had to see Devin's new portrait. I love the picture although he certainly looks a lot different now. So here's the unveiling of his picture before the public gets to see it...drum roll please....



Isn't he the handsomest kid you've ever seen? I'd vote an enthusiastic YES! Anyway, the kids seemed to have a great time at the party and I was glad that we went.

Tomorrow we have to take him back to GOV for his last week there. It will be so hard to let him go back; it's so much fun having him around and it's become so natural for him to be here with us. Please pray that the week goes by smoothly and quickly!
I'm so excited that we will all be together forever soon!

Volcanoooooo!!!

So many people have asked about this week-long visit with Devin. It is so reassuring to know that people are praying for us as we transition into this new stage of our lives.

Things are going really well. They're not perfect, but life with your bio-kids is seldom perfect...actually never! The honeymoon period is pretty much over and the kids get on each other's nerves sometimes, but they have a lot of fun together and I can't imagine life without him now. He has become such a precious part of our family. He fits the one requirement to be a part of our family...he makes me laugh! My very favorite thing about my family is that there is so much laughter in our home. Yes, we're weird people, but we think that we're hysterical!

My main concern for now is keeping the boy alive. Not ever having boys before I was not prepared for the boundless energy that one would bring bring. I thought that by 14, he should be winding down a bit, but oh, was I mistaken. One of his favorite things to do is to ride his bike straight toward a tree or sign post and yell "Brake Test!" and slam on the brakes as hard as he can. OK, boys are weird! In the house, he is constantly rolling off of the couch onto his head! He thinks it's so funny! I told the social worker last night when she asked me about our goal that just keeping him from cracking his skull open would seem like a victory to me.....Wow!

One of my favorite surprises about Devin is how quickly and how much he likes to snuggle. At night while we're watching TV, I put a big pillow in my lap and he'll put his head on the pillow and let me snuggle with him. Most times, he is the initiator. This just melts my heart because I had expected that it would take so much longer than it has for him to feel this comfortable and I never dreamed that he would be such a snuggler. I was afraid he would be too cool to love his momma! Thank you Jesus!

The pictures are from the Rainforest Cafe. We went out to get a Volcano desert the other night. We like it because when they bring it out they flash the lights and all of the waiters yell "Volcano!" We love to celebrate dessert...hey, life is short, celebrate as much as you can, especially if it's chocolate!

In just over a week, he should be here permanently. God does answer prayers, and his timing is perfect. This will be worth the wait.

In His Time

Galatians 4:3-5

But when the right time came, the time God decided on, he sent his Son,born of a woman, born as a Jew, to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law so that he could adopt us as his very own sons.TLB

I have been thinking a lot lately about the perfect timing of God. It seems to come up everywhere in my life, even places far outside of the adoption. God seems to be showing me over and over that He has control of my life, and not control in an overbearing way. I get the mental picture of how good it feels to be in a car where someone you trust is driving and you can put your head back, close your eyes and just enjoy the ride. God's mercy and love is so overwhelming to me at this time in my life. He is using people close to me and my circumstances to teach me to lean back and enjoy the ride because I can completely trust him!

Coincidentally enough, these verses were in my devotional this morning. I kind of chuckled to myself as once again this lesson is brought to my attention. God must know how thick my skull is!

Anyway, today we are one step closer to permanency. Devin comes home today for 10 days in preparation for the final move. This is all he talks about and I know that he is excited/anxious/stressed about the whole thing. After the 10 days, he goes back to GOV for 5 days and then will be permanently placed. He was telling me about the procedure involved. The social worker comes to the school and un-enrolls him. Next she goes to GOV and they pack his things and drives him to our home. He said this will be the longest car ride of his life, he will be so anxious to get home for the last time!

I was saddened when he was telling me this only because this procedure was so familiar to him. He had done it twice before, only to be sent back. How conflicted and anxious his little heart must be over the next few weeks. Please pray for peace and confidence for him that this is it, and that he can trust us. Pray that we can say the right words and God would calm his heart so he can put his head back and enjoy the ride as well!

Love to all!

Long Weekend!

Look at the poor little guy...he's plain tuckered out! We had a very long, yet completely great weekend together. Hopefully we will only have to return him to GOV two more times before he gets to come home permanently! This coming weekend he comes home for a 10-day visit. We are so excited!

I love having Devin in the kitchen with me. Neither of my girls were particularly interested in cooking with me but my guy is in there all the time. I'm also a notoriously early riser and I love that Devin sets his alarm so that he can get up with me. Saturday we got up before everyone and snuck out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. What a special time.

Today we had our family pictures taken. Anyone in the Orlando area I'd like to give a shout-out to Cory Callahan. What a gifted photographer he is and so easy to work with. Check out his stuff at http://www.corycallahan.com/. You won't be sorry. Anyway, it was great having Devin in the pictures with us. I can't wait to share the pictures with you.

God is good. So often I don't understand or see, but He is good. Speaking of tuckered out...that's me. Peace out!

Small Things That Overwhelm My Heart

As we go through this adoption process, I have learned that you have to celebrate small things in order to keep your sanity. I've tried to do this as much as possible. Today a few of the small things have added up to make huge, wonderful memories in my heart.

Devin and I had our first "mom date" tonight. My girls have had "daddy dates" since they were small and I told them that it was my turn. We went out for dinner and had fun talking and laughing together. Tonight he laid on the couch and let me scratch his head while we watched TV. And later as I tucked all three of my kids in bed and kissed them goodnight, I was overcome with such a sense of awe and gratitude at what a privilege it is to be a mom. I'm also greatly blessed with a husband who was willing to walk this road with me and has given me what my heart always dreamed of.

As I was having my quiet time yesterday, I read the famous Jeremiah 29:11 verse. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Sounds great, huh? What I had never noticed before is that this promise was given to Israel while it was in captivity to Babylon. What's more, God did not deliver them immediately to the hope and future stuff. They had to be in captivity for 70 years before this promise would take hold. Sometimes I think that we don't understand that God does have plans to prosper us and give us the hope and future, but it doesn't mean that things will necessarily go the way we want them to right now. Captivity and pain have purpose in God's plan. I've had such a hard time waiting in this process (and still do) but God seemed to be reminding me that the hard and lonely times are sometimes His perfect plan for me too.

Well, today there is no pain, only joy. We still have to wait to have our boy in our home full time, but today's precious gifts from God are enough to get me through. I will celebrate the small things remembering that God's guiding hand never leaves me even when I can't see it or understand it.

Ps 34:1-10

1 I will praise the LORD at all times.
I will constantly speak his praises.

2 I will boast only in the LORD;
let all who are discouraged take heart.

3 Come, let us tell of the LORD's greatness;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me,
freeing me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

6 I cried out to the LORD in my suffering, and he heard me.
He set me free from all my fears.

7 For the angel of the LORD guards all who fear him,
and he rescues them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good.
Oh, the joys of those who trust in him!

9 Let the LORD's people show him reverence,
for those who honor him will have all they need.

10 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the LORD will never lack any good thing.
NLT

It's Almost Over!

Today was one of the most frightening days of my life. I went to what I thought was a routine meeting about our support of Devin's continued contact with his one-year-old brother who is also a foster child. When I got there, I realized that I was in a staffing to decide whether or not the state was going to even allow the boys to be adopted separately. In my mind I kept thinking, "you've got to be kidding"! All of this time and attachment and now you're telling me that you're not sure if you're going to allow these boys to be separated? What are the chances that someone is looking to adopt a 14 year-old and a 1 year-old at the same time?

The FISMO representative was really pushing me hard to adopt Devin's brother. I was panicked thinking that if I wasn't willing to take D***, they may not let me adopt Devin. I told her that if I were to take another child, it would be another teenager. I really feel called to care for these older kids that have very little chance of finding families. I think my social worker could see the panic on my face. It was awful!

Finally, the FISMO rep signed the papers supporting the separation of the boys. I couldn't sign the papers fast enough that said that I would support Devin's relationship with his brother. My social worker assured me that this was the last legal hurdle that we would have to overcome...let's pray that is true and nothing else pops up.

When I picked Devin up for church tonight, I couldn't help but hug him extra long. The thought of losing him at this point was overwhelming and I just had to physically hang on to him for a minute. According to the social worker, his official move-in date will be November 7th barring any problems. I'm so excited for him to be a part of our family full time!

I'm working so hard to trust God's timing in this. Today as I was pondering some of the difficulties that I foresee we may have, God gently spoke to me about how much more equipped I am to deal with these because I am an older parent and have walked down this path with my own children. All the years that I felt were wasted waiting for my husband to get on board with the adoption idea, God was using as on-the-job training for me to be able to deal with the problems that may come. I'm learning the hard way that nothing is ever wasted in God's economy or timetable.

This weekend we get our family pictures taken. I'm so excited to include my son. This is truly a dream come true for me. Please continue to pray. It really changes things!

Finally, I've attached a video of Erica, my youngest daughter and Devin at my dad's birthday party. I love to watch them laughing together. God is making us into a new family.

Second Weekend Done!

Well, we've finished our second weekend visit. According to our social worker, we only have one more weekend visit, next is a week-long visit and then comes permanent placement. At this point we are exhausted from all of the running back and forth to GOV not to mention the cost of gas and tolls. Please pray that my fatigue will not get in the way of my enthusiasm for the journey.

My brother and sister were in town this weekend for my dad's 70th birthday. Devin got to experience first-hand what it was like to have a houseful of family for a family event. He seemed to have a good time at the party...my sister and his sisters were inhaling all of the helium from the party balloons and talking like Mickey Mouse! I hope to get the videos posted soon.

I loved this picture that my brother took of Devin. He doesn't look like a foster kid any more, and so grown up! Now he looks like a member of someone's family...and I'm so thankful that it's mine!

This week we meet with a counselor from Deveraux who is supposed to help us ease into the adoption easier and I finally get my meeting with the lawyer-types about his brother on Wednesday! I'm hoping that these two meetings will help speed up the process!

Finally, I'd like to end this by asking you all to pray for my friend Jess who goes back to court tomorrow (Tuesday) for a hearing to see if the child she wants to adopt will get his parental rights terminated so that they can proceed with this process. It's so hard to see God's hand in so much of this process but we need to hold each other up in prayer, especially those of us who have walked this road and know the amazing emotional toll this takes on a family. I love you Jess and I am praying for you and Nathaniel!

Again, thank you to all of you who have prayed for us as we have walked this journey!

The Gang's All Here!

I have been looking forward to today for a long time. By 6 p.m. today, all the people I love most in the world will be together like a real family. Erin is coming home from college for the weekend (yipee!!). This is the longest we've ever been apart and I miss her desperately. Devin will also be home for the weekend so we won't be rushing him back to GOV like an overdue book. It will be so nice to have us all together if for only a little while.

My brother and sister will also be coming into town tonight. My dad celebrated his 70th birthday this week and we are going to be getting some family and friends together for a party tomorrow.

I've had some challenges with my boy this week. He got a little "vacation" from school for speaking disrespectfully to an administrator. I'm trying to help him see that he has us now to stand up for him with authority should he feel he was being treated unfairly. It's something he's going to have to learn. Also, last night we were helping him with his homework. As soon as he doesn't understand something he wants to quit or cheat himself by trying to find the answer on the internet instead of working it out himself. I don't want him to give up on himself so easily. He's a very bright kid who just hasn't been challenged to do the hard work of learning.

I keep asking God if I have the strength and tools to do this. I guess the answer is no, I don't, but God does. I want so much to be able to give Devin all that he needs and more but am still learning how to do that. Your prayers would be very much apprecited.

Well, I'm off. I've got to head to the grocery store. I'm going to have a housefull of hungry kids....I love that!

Sometimes Surprises are Good...

I just returned from our church ladies retreat so I'm pretty bleary-eyed but I wanted to share some great news!

On my way to the retreat on Friday afternoon, I got the phone call that our wonderful case worker Stacey had gotten the approval, court order and everything else necessary for Devin to begin his weekend visits! Although I wouldn't be able to be there, Devin would be able to spend his first full weekend at home with his dad and sister. It was so hard for me to be away on this first, most important weekend but it was in God's perfect timing because he and Jay had some important things to talk about and didn't need a nagging mom (that would be me!) in the middle.

If my information is correct, we only need 2 more weekend visits and then a week visit before he can be permanently placed with us.

Please continue to pray for us. It will continue to be an adjustment as we learn about each other and our boy learns what it really means to have parents and an extended family that he can lean on and trust.

Love to you all!

Why?

Do you ever wonder why things happen? Things that just seem to be cruel? Things that God could have done something about to lessen the hurt? I know my problems don't parallel world hunger or anything, but sometimes pain just seems pointless and downright mean.

Today my husband called with great news! Our social worker had run into the lady that we've been waiting to have our meeting with and convinced her to approve overnight visits for Devin. This meant that Devin could stay at the house all the way from Friday night till Sunday night. Yipeee! Even though I'll be out of the house for ladies retreat, I was so pleased that he would have some time to bond with Jay.

But of course, 5 minutes later we get a big...


Of course, all of the sudden we have a new rule that says we have to have a court order in order for him to spend the night. When is this going to end?

Please pray extra for me. I'm kind of upset that God let us get so close and then let the door get slammed in our faces one more time. He has to know how badly this hurts.

Anyway, I'm off to ladies retreat in the morning. I need some spiritual water for this thirsty, thirsty soul. Thanks for letting me vent...even if you didn't want to.

What's In A Name?

There's so much frustration and stress at all the waiting that is involved in getting this process finished, I thought I would tell you about one more really sweet thing that happened today.

First, some background. Since I always knew that God meant for me to have a boy, I picked out a boy name during my first pregnancy, and since all I got was girls, I have had to hold onto it. I always wanted to name my son Daniel Jason R***. I wanted to name a boy after his wonderful dad but because of the problems my brother has had having the same first name as my dad, I wanted to give my son his dad's name as his middle name. Was that a run-on sentence?

Anyway, tonight on the way home, Devin and I were discussing some of the legal matters that would come up at the end of his adoption. I asked him if he were going to be keeping his middle name. Devin has a very unusual middle name that I fear might make him easier to find, should someone from his past come looking for him. He told me that he didn't want to keep his middle name. I told him that he could pick out any name he wanted for his middle name. Without any hesitation, he said, "What about Jason?" My heart jumped in my chest. Devin had no idea about my wanting to name my son after his dad. I told him I thought it was a wonderful idea.

God is so amazing with his gift-giving. How precious it is to serve a God who knows the deepest desires of our heart and wants to give them to us.

Again, still no word from KHU which means our meeting probably won't happen again this week. Pray for me as I attend our church's ladies retreat this weekend. I want to spend some good time with God as I seek His reasoning on why this process has to be dragged out so long. I really need some rest for my soul.

Love to everyone!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand!

Yesterday was such a precious day. My friends Dan and Sharon and their kids joined my family at the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot. It's a tradition with our family...pretty much any celebration with good food will bring us out to celebrate.

Little things surprise me as we continue to bond. I was told that he wasn't a huggy, affectionate kind of person. To my surprise, as our relationship grows, he is taking the initiate to get closer and closer to us. Jay and I always respond with a rub on the back or a stroke on his arm to let him know it's OK that he's close. Yesterday at the park, he began to lean his full weight on our backs as we waited in line and would pat your knee as he talked to you. At the end of the day as we rode the monorail back to the parking lot, he leaned over and put his head on my shoulder. This from a kid who doesn't like to be touched!

In college I was a psych major. We studied a phenomenon called "skin hunger". It concerned the fact that human beings were created to be touched. That's why it's so comforting and satisfying to cuddle our children, hug our friends, stroke the hand of someone who's sick and just touch other people in our day to day lives. Those of us who receive regular amounts of touch and affection probably take it for granted. I sat and wondered yesterday how often the kids at the GOV are hugged or someone touches their arms while they listen to them talk or whose shoulers they cry on when they're sad...all the things we enjoy every day. I think their bellies may be full, but they still may be starving.

God continues to bless me with little things like this each day. I'm still trying not to go mental as KHU drags its huge, bureaucratic feet.

I appreciate so much the advice, prayers and kind words. I need my friends right now to keep me from doing stupid stuff that would further inhibit the process.

Love and big warm hugs to you all!

That's What Moms Are For!

I'll make this quick, but I thought it was precious! By the way, thank God for unlimited texting!

This was a quick exchange between Devin and me yesterday: (excuse the typos, but I think they're precious too)

D: its science test time
W: Good luck, I will pray for grace for you
D: thank you mom
W: That's what moms are for!
D: espesaly my mom

I'm continually astounded at bonds that I thought would take for years are beginning so very quickly. I know that it's a risk for him because this is the point in the process that two other (stupid) families have walked away from him. I believe with all my heart that it was only God who saved him this long for us.

Please pray for me. This waiting for KHU to get their act together so Devin can come home has worn my emotions pretty raw this week. In MAP classes, they talk about how these kids have difficulty trusting because so many people have made them promises that they do not keep. Right now I can't think of anyone that has made Devin more un-kept promises than KHU and it makes my blood boil. We are completely powerless in this situation. I was so angry at God yesterday and kept asking Him where He was and why He didn't step in to save this little boy. I'm a little better today, but still pretty raw. My heart aches for those of you who have been in the process much longer than we have...God bless you for your endurance.

That's it. We're off to Epcot for the Food and Wine Festival. If a stomach full of good food can't make you feel better...I doubt anything can. Love to you all!

Two Little Words

I've been hesitant to share lately, knowing that prying 14 year-old eyes were reading but here goes, so Devin, if you're reading this, you may want to turn back now or be really embarrassed!

Things are going better than I ever expected and it seems like the bonding to our family is going well. He's so much a part of the family that he is truly missed when he's not at the house. Devin brings a lot of energy to our home that I love. For me though, it's hard for me to gauge how he is feeling or thinking, mostly because of my own self doubt and paranoia...I'm working on it!

Tuesday night we gave him a cell phone so that we could get hold of him easier. It's almost impossible to get through to GOV and I know kids these days like to text.
Wednesday morning as I'm at my desk at work I hear the little tone that lets me know I have a text message. I looked down to see a text from Devin that simply said,

im going to school have a nice day love you

I quickly returned his text and as I sat there I began to weep. For me, the moment at which you earn someone's love is a monumental event and should be savored. I took time to thank God who made me wait a really long time, but who has given me all I ever wanted and more. I really, really hate waiting, but this is good, and well worth waiting for. I'm still pretty much in awe.

While we're on the subject of love and telling people how much you love them, I have one more thing to say. Recently my friend Brandi graciously gave me an award on her blog and now I'd like to return the favor. I don't know what to call it, so I'll call it the "Expressions of Love" award. Anyone who knows Brandi knows that at the end of every conversation she says "love you!" That used to really creep me out. Outside of my husband and kids, I wasn't used to people saying that to me unless they thought I was dying or something and me, with my fear of rejection, could hardly muster the courage to say it to anyone else, no matter how deeply I felt it.
I was hit very hard recently when my father-in-law passed away. I loved him so much but I know I didn't tell him often enough because of my own insecurities. I only hope he knew how much he meant to me and how deeply I miss him. I continue to be sad about those missed opportunities.

Coming back to Brandi and her award...she through her regular unabashed declaration of her heart and affection has really rubbed off on me and helped me have the courage to tell other people how much they mean to me so that I never again have to wonder if people know how important they are to me. That's a great gift to give someone so I want to say to Brandi, "I LOVE YOU!"

I do love all of my friends who have supported us and prayed for us through this process. It hasn't been easy, but in the end, it will be very good. Pray for Devin, he has his heart set on an overnight weekend visit this week but I really don't think that Kid's Hope will get their stuff together in time. There seems to be no hope at Kid's Hope!

Much love to you all!