Reflecting on 2008

Well, it's all over, at least most of it. The holiday rush has subsided and as soon as I can get the kiddos back to school, things will be back to normal or as normal as we get. I always love the weeks after the holidays when you're broke and the teenagers are bored and they're too old to get away with taking them to a park with a really good playground. Any ideas for free entertainment?

As I look back on this year I can't stop being amazed at what God has done. I never in all of my wildest dreams would have believed a year ago that I would be where I am today. After all the years of wanting to adopt and my husband's hesitance, I not only got my dream, but got to watch God change his heart (and mine) in a miraculous way. Not only did Jason agree to the adoption, but I got to watch his excitement grow with each passing class and interaction with Devin. And now I get to watch him be an amazing father day after day. God truly answered my prayers in ways I could never have imagined and I love how He always works things out in ways that He alone could only get the credit for.

I realized something kind of fun (yet frustrating) today. We will be eligible to file for adoption for Devin on February 5th. That's when our 90 day period is officially over. As I was taking down my 2008 calendar today and reflecting over what we'd done over the year, I realized that our first MAP class to begin our adoption journey was February 5, 2008; exactly one year to the day. Maybe it means nothing...it thought it was interesting at least.

I'm old enough that I'm kind of over making New Year's resolutions...they seldom last. But if I could pray for one thing in this next year it would be that God would help deliver me from my busyness so that I can be a more generous person with my time. I have struggled with this all of my life and really want to take the bull by the horns this year.

I was reading in a book last week that the Chinese join two characters to form a single pictograph for busyness: heart and killing. The heart is the place the busy life exacts its steepest toll. I work hard and fast and though the work I do is for the good, I often overlook people who need me in the process. Please pray for me in that area.

I'm so thankful to be where God has put me and to have the friends around me that I do. I am constantly surrounded by people who are not satisfied to accept the status quo and want to through God's power turn the world upside down. They want to first strive for holiness and change in their own lives and are willing to open their hearts to whatever God wants to clean up or mold. Secondly, they want to fight for those who have no one to fight for them, to hold up the cause of the underprivileged and disenfranchised. I am so proud to be associated with them and love how they constantly challenge me to not sit on the sidelines of life, but to be involved in changing the worlds of people who otherwise would have no voice.

God's blessings to all of you in the new year!

Enjoying the Ride

If they gave out awards for people who worry, I would be a nominee for the biggest worrier for as many years as I can remember. There doesn't seem to be any subject or area that is exempt from my ability to worry about it. This is especially true lately.

This present economy is enough to make anyone crazy. My job has me dealing constantly with people in need of food and financial assistance and with a husband in the car business, we're feeling the squeeze quite a bit at home too.

I think that I spend the majority of my valuable worrying time focused on my children though. As a mom, you want everything in life to go smoothly for them and for them not to have to suffer any ill consequences, even due to their poor choices. With Devin, I often wonder if we got him in time to make any real difference in his life and with a family as imperfect as ours, I pray that any difference made would be for the good...you see, I can worry about it all!

I never wanted to be one of those parents who was still parenting their children far into their twenties...there's an age where you need to let go and then guide them (if they ask!) but let them live their own lives and make their own mistakes and suffer their own consequences. As my oldest daughter turns 20 next week, I worry that I'll be good at doing just that.

Anyway, enough of my worrying. Last week I happened upon a quote from Martin Luther that said, "Pray, and then let God worry". I have been pondering that all week and then in church last week, as Pastor Jon spoke, I was impressed with the idea from God to just sit back and enjoy the ride. I need to focus any time I would've spent worrying on prayer and then enjoy the bumpy ride God takes us on like a thrilling, yet terrifying roller coaster.

My computer recently crashed due to a virus and I've spent a great deal of time re-uploading programs into my computer from another hard drive. After I upload the program, I wipe it from the old hard drive to make space. Yesterday, I was home in bed with a migrane and I had the picture in my throbbing head of uploading all of my problems and worries to the Father and then wiping that space in my mind clean for positive and uplifting things.

With Christmas coming and 3 teenagers and a stressed husband buzzing around me, I'm going to need to make this a purposeful practice to keep my heart right and my head on straight!

I enjoy so much my blogging family and draw so much strength and encouragement from your blogs. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and are able to richly enjoy the holiday season!

A Mother's Thoughts

I've been so hesitant to blog lately because my dear son, whom I love so very much, does get into my blog and read it. Not that there's anything bad about him, but it's deeply personal to me and it's kind of like having someone read your diary, but I'm going to have to chance it tonight. As we near the end of the first month of Devin's permanent placement with us, it seems like time has flown so fast, and at the same time it seems like he's always been here. He's such a part of the family and there's no way that we could live without him now.

A dear friend of mine recently had an adoption of an infant that didn't work out because another family was chosen. That night, Devin fell asleep on my lap while the family was up watching movies. I held him so tightly thinking of what I would do if anything or anyone tried to interfere with his adoption. Sometimes I have nightmares about this. We have bonded so tightly that in my mind and heart he is as much my own child as those I gave birth to. I know that God is good and what crosses my path is the best for me, but I don't know how I would bear this kind of loss, so please pray for my dear friend.

Life here is not perfect, but it is very, very good. My kids still get on each other's nerves (and mine!) There is the usual sibling jealousy and competition to see who is our "favorite", like there could be one...but I wouldn't change my life or my family a bit if I had the chance to. I'm so blessed by the children and husband that God has given me!

On our vacation, Devin snuck away into a gift shop and bought me a necklace as a surprise. It is a large pink rhinestone heart with a key to it. Little does he know that he had the key to my heart long ago. It was such a touching gesture. I will cherish it always! Well, that's one mom's thoughts as I look back on my time away with my family. Sometimes it's nice to get away from the distractions of life and get a good look at what you have in front of you every day.