Trust Issues...

I have realized in the last few days as I spend time talking with the Lord that I have serious trust issues. I really don't trust anyone. If you're reading this blog, I don't trust you. I may love you, but I really don't trust you. Don't take it personally, I really don't trust anyone.

I don't know why it's so hard for me. As I think back on my life I can remember many times that I felt like I was on my own and it was up to me to take care of myself. I'm not sure if that's where it started. I didn't take that much psychology in college...all I know is...I don't trust. I keep people at an arm's length so that it's impossible for you to disappoint me.

The most painful part of my self-discovery is that I'm realizing that most of the time I'm not even trusting God. I was reading in "Trusting God" (ironically) that "when we fail to trust God we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness. In both cases we cast aspersions upon His majesty and His character. God views our distrust of Him as seriously as He views our obedience."

How do you fix this? Wouldn't it be great if there was a switch you could walk over and flip and suddenly you would be at rest and this struggle would be behind you? I'd give all the money I have for such a switch. As I meditated on what to do, the only idea I had was found in the verse, "Your word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against You." Distrust is certainly sin, so I've devised the following plan:

1. I have made a list of about 30 verses on trusting God. For the next 30 days I will be memorizing these verses so that they are there for me when I need them.

2. I am empowering all of my friends to challenge me when I begin to freak out about anything...you can even ask to hear one of my verses.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any wise counsel? I'd love to hear it.

I am encouraged that God continues to speak and show me what is at the root of so much of what I do. I'm trusting that He'll complete what He's started!